Girlfriend cheated on me and wants to break up?

as of today, me and my girlfriend broke up. we dated for just under a year and everything was great. no major problems and lots of good memories were had. we frequently told each other ';i love you'; and were constantly texting while we werent around each other. things we were so tight that she talked me into getting an apartment together with her and she always brought up how great our life would be together forever. we even had a ring picked out and everything. she pushed these sentiments on me all the time, and i was happy to hear them. well, last week we went out to the bars and both got quite drunk. i felt something was a little awry so i checked her text messages and found messages to a coworker of hers, things like ';i can't wait to be in your bed'; and ';its ok, i sent the message when he went outside'; etc. it was hard to see and i confronted her on it. i woke her up and made her tell me. two days prior she had slept with him. she lied to me about staying the night at her parents and was with him. the very next day while we were together at home, she decided to go to her friends house for 2 hours. turns out she was with him and didnt find out until later. the worst part was while i was trying to get information out of her and asking her why she did this, she decided she wanted to go to his house! (she was still drunk and wanted to be comforted and sober up to talk according to her). so she leaves to his place, only to come back the next day not really knowing what to say. we tried to patch things up a bit, but then she pulled a 180 on me and wanted to take a break to make decisions and think.


so, within the next 5 days, she texts me here and there, calls a couple times to see how things are. i try not to answer, but did once. i didnt work at all for these days and it was so tough. i went out at night with my friends and coworkers and others who gave me support a few days in a row and it helped a bit.


i told a handful of people about her cheating and since we have mutual friends the word got out very fast. she did not like this at all and was upset with me. she became very defensive and even put her facebook headline for a day as ';doesn't like getting thrown under the bus';. i mean wtf. can she disrespect me anymore? so, today i moved a few things out of our place and we decided to talk. i was extremely nervous because i didnt know if she wanted me back or even what i should do. a big part of me wants her back. what we had was so great, and it literally changed overnight. i read in a text to one of her girlfriends that she has talked about wanting to be single and loving me very much at the same time, and not know what to do.


so we had the talk a few hours ago. i went in not knowing what to do and neither did she according to her. but within 10 minutes said we shouldnt be together. so after talking about it, i got almost no answers. she said she didnt know why she cheated....had no clue. i found out she is still friends with the guy, but doesnt like him like that. she liked his carefree college lifestyle. he is 22, a student, a bouncer at one of the bars she works at and she is 24, has 3 jobs and lots of stresses. on top of that, he is not an attractive person. why would she trade down? what i think happened, and she agreed to some certainty is that she got scared about our future. marriage plans, rings, house....we just got a dog together as well. she pushed me hard for all that stuff, that is why i dont get it.


so, we agreed to mutually break up, and i tried to be as strong as i could when talking to her. no crying, shaking, begging. just listening and stonefaced. alot of pain, mixed in with a bit of lightheartedness to break the tension. to top things off, she said im an amazing guy and boyfriend, and would make a great father and husband.....but she doesn't know if she wants that now. she doesn't know what she wants all of a sudden, and i get cheated out of everything! she says she still loves and cares for me, and she knows i feel the same. she admits she made a huge mistake and screwed up things to the point where she didn't think they were fixable. she wants to keep in touch and tried to be hopeful in saying, ';what we had was amazing, and if we are meant to be together, i believe we will be, whether thats 6 months, a year or two';. with that, she got up, sat down next to me and buried her face in my neck and gave me the biggest 5 minute hug ive ever had, crying the whole time. after that, i got up and said cya around and left. im still shocked and it hasnt hit me yet. i feel like i have nothing now and everything i have been wishing for us has been taken away just like that. why do girls in good relationships screw them up for no reason!? im so hurt, confused, stretched thin and sad that i dont know what to do.


Girlfriend cheated on me and wants to break up?
First, take a deep breath and relax.





It sounds like you've been hurt so much to write all of this out.


But there's no way to go but to move on. It may be hard to admit.





I guess the only thing that's holding you back is the fact that you don't understand how this all happened so quickly, or how she can't explain herself.





Go out with your buddies, try to think about it with reason, not with emotion. Just pick a time to sit down and figure out what's bothering you sooo much about this. And figure out how to make it not bother you. It takes time.





Girlfriend cheated on me and wants to break up?
If she really loves you as much as she says, then she'll come back to you.
woah way to long, and if she cheated on you why even bother to go back to her?





I would ditch her because she sounds like a wh0re.





Why would she get mad at you when she cheated on you? She is just mad because everyone knows what a cheater she is. That's pretty sad and I feel sorry for you, I hope you kicked her out of your apartment, and don't talk to her anymore or she'll screw you even worse.
this might sound hard to do, but move on and forget about her. If she's doing all these things behind your back, then she's obviously not worth the time and effort
Don't do anything. You're better off without her, whether you realize that now or not.
My boyfriend hates drinking and now I see why he doesn't like or want me drinking. Our relationship is pretty close to yours actually. He is a great guy, one day he would make a wonderful father and I honestly one day really hope he is my children's father, I love him so much. We'vee been dating for as long as your relationship about too.





We talk about everything, kids and all. I have to admit. Sometimes the thoughts are too much pressure. I am in college and things are hard for me with the expense of school, plus working some crappy job just to makes ends meet. It does leave me bitter sometimes and over worked most definitely. No excuse to cheat though. That's crossing the line. sorry.











And don't listen to all these people answering. Some are right. Remember most people on here are teens or adolescents which doesn't help when you need sound advice from someone who has a better idea of this situation in your life .... right now.








Reading your question ..... yes all of it. There were two things that really stood out to me.








You know what really stood out to me in your question?





The drinking and the 3 jobs she worked.





On top of the fact she worked 3 jobs, maybe the stress was getting to her head and it made her do something dumb like cheat. She didn't like the guy after all.





If you think about it ..... the times she did cheat on you she was drunk.








You should talk with her some more but just give her some time first. (Like a week or two) She should come back, she will realize what she has just lost and it will be hard for you too but hang in there, the best is yet to come.





You should take her back once more but not be so serious this time, just have fun, there's no rush, y'all are still young. Show her things don't have to be so serious and she can have fun so she doesn't feel rushed.








I'd say .... give her one more chance. By the sounds of your question I am certain there is still a lot of love in your relationship. Just give her more space. BUT if she cheats again, I think you will be doing yourself a big favor by letting her go unfortunantly.





I think the jobs and the pressure of being a wife, mother, house keeper someday was getting to her. Maybe she felt a little trapped. No excuse to cheat but this girl must work hard and it sounds like she had too much pressure with the idea of marriage on top of everything.








You might think about working some more so the stress isn't on her like that. Just talk it out and try to balance things a little more with the home life.
Move on with your life. If she slept with another dude then she doesn't respect or love you.


She cheated on you so there will be a second time.


There's a saying ';fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.



I cheated on my husband. We were married for 10 years. Honestly, sometimes I wonder why I did what I did, because my husband was a good husband. But, the excitment and thrill got carried away which lead to the affair. It was exciting. Fresh. New. Women especially thrive on excitment and keeping everything new. I think these days men settle more into the long term commitment family life styles and women are bored of it. NOT ALL WOMEN. I'm just saying some. The experience of the new man was a thril but the experience of the affair keeping it secret was also a thril. I've noticed a lot also women tend to chase the men who treat them less like a lady then the men who show them 100 percent respect. Something else the bar scene isn't good for a committed relationship. If I was you I would just get over her. Time heals all wounds. Because I believe she'd do it again. I know I would.
STAY AWAY FROM HER.


Clearly she doesn't know what she wants. I'm so sorry you got hurt! That's terrible, but you need to know youre worth more than that, and move on with your life. She cheated, and it was NOT like a one time slip up situation, she was having another RELATIONSHIP!!! That's awful, and heartbreaking, and I know you probably want more than anything to just forget about it and go right back to how things were, but you can't, and she doesn't deserve that forgiveness from you. Focus on you, let her focus on her. Stay apart for AT LEAST a year! If you get together, fine- but don't move in with her again, feel things out- You can stay in touch, but VERY loosely! Don't be a doormat, never let anyone treat you that way, that's terrible and I'm SO sorry to hear that this happened to you. It's my VERY worst nightmare!!! My heart goes out to you, and I hope you find some peace and happiness very soon, as well as some love from soneone who will be faithful and loyal!
u need to get rid of her.she does't deserve u there's an old saying once a cheater always a cheater. one day she's gonna look back at what u two had a wish she had made better decisions find someone else but take it slow good luck
Your story is a sad one, that's for sure, but it's not an uncommon one. You sound very level headed and emotionally well balanced. I understand your pain. I think we've all been blindsided before and it shakes us to our very core.





Please realize that what you thought you had with her didn't really exist, otherwise it would not have changed overnight. Please don't try to defend her poor behavior or make excuses for her. If you take her back, you'll be saying that what she did was pardonable; she'll be likely to do it again.





Try not to allow this to make you bitter. You'll understand the lessons in this situation more as the pain subsides. Something very, very similar happened to me except my guy told me in advance that he had feelings for an old flame. We separated as friends, and when his relationship with her didn't work out we gave our relationship another shot.





The old flame came back it the picture, so I was done with this guy. What feelings that remained had been stomped on; I felt nothing but indifference and I closed that chapter of my life.





He came back two years later when their marriage was on the rocks, but I felt nothing--no love, no hatred, no bitterness. Nothing. That's what I wish for you--indifference. You will heal and find someone who can appreciate you more than this girl did. Sounds like you deserve someone better.





I moved on and, praise God, I found the most incredible man who is now my husband. Couples really can live happily ever after. Unfortunately, trust will always be an issue between you and this girl. Maintaining a relationship with her will not be worth it in the long run. Keep your standards high and recover from this hit by staying busy and taking one day at a time.





Good luck.
Come on, you're so much better off without this girl! She's obviously got some issues to push you into moving forward, and then end it! If she cheated, and broke it off, move on! Remember that you were fine before you met her too and your life didn't start the moment she came into it. You haven't lost everything and you can find someone who actually deserves you. Your ex has obviously got some problems if she can cheat on you, and then be mad for people knowing she's a cheater. I know it hurts now, especially since everything changed so suddenly, but that's normal, and those feelings do go away. Go live your life like a single guy should! Go and enjoy life and forget her the way that she tried to forget about you!